Unfathomable Guilt
by MeridaFaeScott
Summary: Jason/Caitlyn oneshot. I really don't like this pairing but took it as an interesting challenge. Jason's blaming himself for her death, now who will be there to comfort him? Will it make him feel even more guilty at being comforted?


**Wow…there must really be something wrong with me…because I actually enjoyed writing this story, and I am not fond of "Jaitlyn" pairing! The main problem I have with writing about a couple I don't like is-if I can't see or don't like them together, I have a hard time seeing them in character! Anyways…Please review and let me know what you think! **

Jason sat on the dock, starring out over the lake. The rain was pouring down, disturbing the surface of the water in beautiful patterns. The thunder and lightning were surprisingly loud.

He ran a hand through his dripping hair with a sigh. It wasn't his fault, so why did he feel so badly? Guilt shouldn't be something he was feeling about it. There was nothing he could have done. He hadn't even been there.

"Hey…" Jason didn't even look up as someone spoke softly, and rested a warm hand on his shoulder, "It wasn't your fault." It was as if the person read his thoughts. His strangely serious thoughts.

"I shouldn't have let her leave like that." he muttered, blinking rain from his eyes as he kept his gaze on the lake before him. The wide open space seemed so empty with no canoes and cold sheets of rain falling down endlessly.

"You couldn't have made her stay."

"I could have-you know that-and I should have." Jason said angrily, clenching his hands into fists at his stupidity. Anyone could have seen she was in no state to be alone.

"It would have been wrong to make her stay." The soft response came.

"I was such an idiot. An insensitive, stupid jerk!" Jason mumbled.

"Jason," Caitlyn knelt down next to him, the water on the dock socking into her red jeans and making dark spots on her pants, "Mitchie died because that's what was supposed to happen. It had nothing to do with you."

"She spilled all her feelings out and all I did was apologize because I didn't feel the same." He muttered, not knowing if he could hold up his end of the argument.

"And what else should you have done?" Caitlyn demanded.

"Hugged her…" Jason shrugged, "Kissed her…I don't know."

"Why would you have done that?" Caitlyn asked before sitting down next to him.

"So she wouldn't leave the house crying and get hit by a car and die!" Jason said harshly, "Is there a better reason?" Caitlyn sighed before speaking as she pressed her hand on his leg gently, leaving a wet hand print on his jeans.

"One, you didn't know what was going to happen. Two, she knew the chances when she decided to tell you. Three…it would have been so wrong to pretend you had feelings for her when you didn't." Caitlyn spoke softly, and it didn't suit her well.

"Better than her being dead and it being my fault!" Jason snapped.

"It wasn't your fault." Caitlyn said firmly, "It wasn't anyone's fault. It was her fate. She was supposed to die and if not that way…somehow else."

"How can you sit there and talk about Mitchie as if this was just a bruise I gave her?" Jason demanded, turning his dark eyes on Caitlyn next to him for the first time since she had come out, "This is her _life_ we are talking about! And it's _over_. She's _gone_. Forever. I may not have felt for her that way, but it was still my fault!..."

"It wasn't your fault!" Caitlyn said in exasperation, "She was my friend too! Don't you think I'm sad? But no one's blaming you! Because _it wasn't your fault!"_

"It feels like it!" Jason said angrily before lowering his voice to a sad whisper, "If only I had…I should have…" Caitlyn raised her eyebrows at it seeming as though she had finally convinced him that he honestly had nothing to do with Mitchie's tragic death.

"Jason…" she said in a strong tone, "There was nothing you could have done."

"She was…just a kid." He said flatly, "Only sixteen. Her life should have been many more years longer. If I hadn't turned her down…"

"Jason. Did you love her?" Caitlyn demanded impatiently.

"No." he said softly, shaking his head slightly and looking into her eyes with guilt.

"Did you have anything more than friendly feeling for her?" Caitlyn demanded strongly, wishing the nagging feeling inside of her would go away. Jason sighed.

"No." he whispered. Caitlyn muttered something under her breath and Jason raised his eyebrows. Was she tired of him blaming himself and getting angry, "What?" he demanded, defensiveness audible in his tone.

"Nothing." Caitlyn smiled slightly, "It's just…nothing."

"Go ahead. I know what you said. 'Jason's an idiot for blaming himself'. I can't help it though." He sighed.

"That's not what I said!" Caitlyn said sharply. She hated people speaking for her-especially when they couldn't be further off. "I would never call someone an idiot." she added more quietly.

"You? Caitlyn Gellar? Never call someone an idiot?" Jason smiled weakly. That was a lie and they both knew it. She half smiled and shrugged.

"Okay, so I would." She commented, "but not right now. When you're like this. And not…_you_."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jason asked softly, "I hear what people say about me. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary."

"I might kick people, but not when they're already down." Caitlyn commented, resting her arm on his shoulder with a chuckle.

"So what did you say?" Jason surprised her by asking. Hadn't she already steered away from that question? Since when did her suave changing of the subject not work?

"I said something about Mitchie." She shrugged.

"What about her?"

"I'm just glad you didn't have feelings for her." She said stiffly.

"…Why?" Jason's brow creased in curiosity.

"Because it would be so much harder to make you feel better." Caitlyn commented, looking into his dark eyes without blinking. Neither of them said a word, and she held her breath, hoping he would buy her half lie. She considered moving her arm from his shoulder to widen their distance, but her cell phone rang at that moment.

"What?" she snapped as she answered it.

"Where are you?" Shane demanded, "Did you find Jason yet?"

"Yeah, I found him." Caitlyn replied, "We'll be back in a few."

"Where is he? Where are you guys?"

"I said we'd be back in a few." She stated before hanging up on him, half smiling at Jason, "Shane. Worried about you." Caitlyn sighed and placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.

"I guess we should get back then." Jason sighed. At least she had helped him feel better. Caitlyn's side of the argument made such good sense and it comforted him. They stood up in silence but neither turning to leave just yet.

"I know this is a bad time." Caitlyn said firmly, hating the nervous feeling inside her, "Especially after what just happened yesterday with Mitchie, but there's something I have to tell you."

"You aren't going to run off and get…killed too, right?" Jason asked softly.

"When Mitchie came to talk to you," Caitlyn went on, ignoring his question, "Did she say she had feelings for you…or that she actually loved you?" That was a personal question, but she didn't care.

"Does it matter?" Jason asked.

"To me." She stated with a frown.

"Why?..."

"Because I…don't want to say the same thing she said." Caitlyn admitted. Why was she telling him her feelings now? Even if he did miraculously feel the same way about her-would he admit it after what happened to Mitchie only the day before?

"Caitlyn…" Jason's eyes widened when he understood what she was saying, "She didn't say she loved me."

"Then…" Caitlyn swallowed slowly. She loved him. She always had. But was it right to tell him that when they hadn't even been dating? Caitlyn knew how seriously Jason took relationships, but didn't know how he would react to someone falling in love with him when they had only been friends.

"Don't say it." Jason demanded in a whisper.

"Why not?" Caitlyn asked with narrowed eyes. Even in this serious of a situation, she wouldn't allow herself to appear weak.

"Because. Love is such a strong word. Don't use it." Jason explained. He didn't believer that she knew how to use the word with honesty. The thought saddened her.

"I love you Jason Gray." Caitlyn disobeyed him, in a tone you wouldn't expect the words to be spoken in. Her tone of voice was so decisive, determined, and sure. Caitlyn was challenging him to contradict her use of the word.

Jason's mouth opened then closed quickly. His brow furrowed in indecision as he tried to decide whether or not to believe her. Unlike Mitchie, Caitlyn was not a liar. No one had ever caught her with a falsehood. Everything she had ever said up to that point, Jason had found true. She must be telling the truth then.

"Caitlyn. Caitlyn Gellar." Jason stuttered in a shocked tone, "In love with _me_?..." She opened her mouth to reply impatiently but Jason didn't give her a chance before crashing his lips against hers, and Caitlyn willingly kissed back.

Her cell phone rang at that moment. She was going to ignore it, but after the accident of the day before was afraid her not answering would freak out whomever it was-she assumed Shane.

Caitlyn pulled away, breathlessly staring into Jason's eyes for a moment before pulling her cell phone from her pocket and seeing Shane's name. It was tempting to stuff it back into her pocket and go back to kissing Jason.

"Ignore him. Who cares?" Jason whispered, kissing her cheek.

"But what if he thinks something happened-" Caitlyn had to admit that she was humored and pleased when Jason grabbed the cell phone from her hands and threw it far- where it landed in the lake quite a few yards away, "I'll get you a new one." He assured her in all seriousness before kissing her again.

**All of you need to check out ****crazybluegirl3**** and her story ****The Red Jacket****! It's really good! Only the first chapter is up right now, but it's a finished story and very well written! Go read her story- she would really appreciate a review!**


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